A friend realizes that he has been replaced, and fails to understand how this could happen.

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“Look, Nikolai, isn’t she beautiful?”

She’s so small. With silver skin and a flawless smile. She is beautiful. I don’t want to think so, but it’s impossible to deny. Because you’re looking at her the way you used to look at me. Before my face was mangled and my skin was broken.

Is that what this is about? I’m not beautiful anymore. That’s obvious. But is it really that hard to look at me? Well, I’m sorry. I tried to keep you happy by keeping you safe. I took the hits so you didn’t have to. I let the world beat me to pieces, so that you wouldn’t have to feel that pain. I kept you flawless. But when the world stopped and the damage was done, I know your hands were shaking on the wheel.

I’m sorry. But what do you expect from me? I gave up everything for you. But that wasn’t the price for your smile apparently, since it’s not mine anymore. You’re sick of looking at me, and it’s all my fault, is that it? Tell me what you want from me. Tell me how to change, and I’ll be a whole different car for you. I’ll shoot stars out of the sky with my headlights if it’ll make you keep me. Don’t send me away, don’t set me aside like an unfinished project. I’m not invaluable. Haven’t I proven that time and time again? Isn’t it proof enough that you’re still standing? That you’re still whole?

Do you remember the time that you took a wrong turn, and we spent nearly an hour roaming the countryside? Everything was beautiful out there. You were beautiful, and I was beautiful, and I had never been so happy, rumbling along those bumpy roads with unfarmed fields stretching out for miles in all directions. I thought you were happy, too. Until you slammed on the brakes and turned around, right there in the middle of the road. You put our backs to the sun and I couldn’t feel its warmth anymore.

Were you afraid of me then? Even years ago, had I done something so bad that I’d already lost your trust away? I’ve never let you down! Time and time again I’ve started for you. I’ve warmed up. I’ve cooled down. I’ve always gotten you where you wanted to go. I know I don’t always start up the first time you turn the key, but that doesn’t mean that I’m trash!

…I’m not trash. Even now, bent and bruised, I’d still run, if you’d be patient for me. You could fix me up if you wanted, and we could keep on cruising for a hundred thousand more miles without ever looking back. We could feel the sun on our faces together again. If that’s what you wanted. You used to want that.

So you don’t want to fight for me anymore? Didn’t you used to tell people I wasn’t a useless piece of shit like all of them thought? What happened to that? What happened to all the things you used to say to talk me up when everybody else was talking me down? Don’t you believe in me anymore? Don’t you love me?

Please don’t say that you don’t love me anymore, because I can take a lot of things but I cannot take your rejection. I am not a thing to be abused and thrown away. You have never before seen me as a thing to be abused and thrown away. You loved me. I am yours, and you care about me, and you love me!

…Don’t you?

Maybe it’s not worth fighting it. Maybe I am useless, and I shouldn’t be trusted with your life anymore. I’ve driven down hundreds of thousands of miles of highway, and I’ve driven through typhoons and floods, and I’ve driven through snow and sleet, but maybe I can’t get you out of the parking lot anymore. What do I know? You haven’t tried in days. Maybe I’ve lost the knack for it.

I’m sorry for thinking I was worth your time.

Forget me. Throw me away and drive your tiny new beauty. I won’t cry when you don’t look at me the next time you leave the house. I won’t protest when you don’t fill me up with gas. When the tow service comes to take me to the dump, I’ll accept my fate quietly. I just pray that your new little beauty treats you as well as I treated you. And above all else, remember that I love you. I love you so much. Everything I’ve done has been to show you that I love you.

Please don’t make me think that you can love her the way you loved me. Sure, love her as much, but not in the same way. Leave me something to take to my death. Go and be happy with her, but don’t forget me when I’m gone. Be safe. And never, ever forget how much I love you.

…Why are you still here? Don’t you have better places to be than standing in the driveway with me? Why are there tears in your eyes? Why are you stroking me that way?

Goodbye? You’re telling me goodbye? You don’t cry like this for someone you don’t love anymore…